Category Archives: Martha Stewart
>So, I’m having a little bit of a delemma. As you all (should) know by now, I have started to “amigurumi”, that is, for the better part of 4 months I think now, I have started a new hobby lol. Amigurumi is a type of crocheting, used to make small, cute, and fast little dolls in anything from food to video game character. You name it, someone has done it. Now, my delemma.
As with all crafts that are online, there is a collection of paid patterns and what-not, and a someone smaller collection of free things.
Rob has tasked me with making all of the Pokemon, which is slightly daunting yet oh-so encouraging in it’s own right, as well as supplementing those some 600 dolls with different ones as well. I made mushrooms for a pincushion, he stole it. I made a fried egg as a replacement pin cushion, and am guarding it with my life from his devilish clutches.
Here is the problem. As in the case of the Pokemon amis, there is a SERIOUS lacking in patterns, which not only makes my life harder, but I’ve noticed others online also frustrated. Always the optimist however, I create my own. I’ve gotten lots of compliments and suggestions from them, and I am definitley getting better than I was starting out.
This is my question: down the road, does anyone think that I should post my patterns? My reasoning was that of course those of my friends that are interested in crocheting and amigurumi would then be able to have my patterns from here. My other thought was that the ever-constant hum of marketablity in the back of my head…may in turn make my blog more searchable in search engines. I’ve already had a blast typing my labels into Google and seeing where I was lol.
I guess the point of this post was to ask if anyone would like some input in my decision process….oh, also to prove that I can infact remember to blog everyday like I used to lol. I was checking my usual blogs earlier this morning and realizing just how hard it must be to keep up with it. Most of the ones that I read haven’t updated in a couple weeks, especially the ones I read for pattern ideas. So that’s another reason I wanted to formally ask you guys, as I am now noticing that most of these people will NOT be around forever, and maybe I can enter the world of online patterns, and possibly find my little corner of cypber-space and be somewhat successful at it as well?
Long-term, I do have this awkwardly worded dream of becoming the Canadian Martha, and maybe someday evolve this tiny blog into a lifestyle destination…encompassing all of my interests, not just the amigurumi thing. I still intend on keeping you aprised of my gardening, cooking, making fun of Rob-ing, doodling and being just me!
Hopefully it will all come together someday. But maybe it won’t, and that still seems fun in a stupid way! In any case, go have a mug of hot chocolate and curl up in bed folks!
>A day of random happenings……
I finished painting the bulletin board that would go above our new workstation. I say painted, because I can’t stand the look of regular boring brown bulletin boards. It just looks tacky and unkempt to me, especially if you load it up with lots of random meaningless note-taking. So I decided to break out the craft box (yes, I said craft box) and Martha it up a little. Rob picked the colours. Matches the painting opposite. I’m still finding paint in areas I didn’t know I had.
I explained to him another bulletin board trick I learned from Martha, including wine corks. I think he believes me to be mad. Or at least he’s written it down on his “Charlie is a boozer because” list that I’m sure he’s stashed somewhere.
I also got my Telus bill. Yay. I’ll explain my enthusiasm tomorrow.
I made some dessert-esque waffles for dinner, as it’s much to hot to attempt an oven on in this heatwave. They were chocolate-chocolate-coconut-walnut waffles, and they were very yummy with peanut butter! Again, quite sure the boy thinks me mad, but hey, he ate some too.
Put up a mirror for the eventual plants that will co-habit the tv case along with the sprouts and various garbage-room and dollar-store nick naks we pass off as heirlooms. God help us.
Also put up a couple pictures that we, again, found at the dollar store. I mainly blame myself, and my need for decoration. In any case, they follow the basic theme of the apartment. If you were all following along and paying attention, then by now you’d have guessed correctly what that theme was, and this entire sentence would be nothing but idle filler.
And if you guessed wrong, the correct answer was “Booze.”
I’ve been sitting on my laptop for a couple hours re-writing more recipes for the family cookbook (lol…”family!” BAH!), and whilst doing that I’ve been surfing for new blogs to read, and updating my computer as well. The electronamathingy on the list for tonight was my beloved Zune, and if you’ve no idea what that is, shame on you, you’ve missed some vital seasons of “The Real World, Road Rules: The Challenge (The Duel).” It’s my Godly music gizmo, the Microsoft version of the Ipod.
Anyhoo, I love my little Zune, but have neglected it since the move. So I reinstalled the software on my desktop, only to have to pick a name for it’s sync network or something stupid techy sounding like that. “CharlieBenn” was unavailable. But “MeltedVariable, BlackPorpoise, SaturatedFeline, ReflexiveToe, and RootedMocha” were available. I think we know what I chose.
Oh and also, you’re all wrong. I made up my own.
>Care to join me?
Come, sit around the fire chillens as I tell you a tale wrought with challenges, pitfalls, rafia, fondant, and a jail term (with special guest: My New Tattooed Cell Mate Friend! I shall name her Cookie Jo for short).
As most of you have probably guessed (and correctly at that! Gold star!), I am in fact, Martha Stewart.
I hope I didn’t shock anyone too badly just now, but I wanted to address the seriousness of my claim for a second. And before I continue, I just wanted to give you another, slightly longer second to compose yourself before you continue reading. Like maybe a second and a half. You good?
So, I’m not Martha (unless saying so will get me some of the good meds), I’m sorry I just lied to you. But that doesn’t mean I can’t become her. And I don’t mean in a Mrs. Doubtfire attempt to win my children back, as we all know Alexis died a long time ago after she wasn’t up to Martha’s snuff and was replaced by a series of stand-ins until a suitable robot could be manufactured.
No, my friends, I want to end up where she is right now….a family of magazines and books…Polish parents…illustrious modeling career…Turkey Hill Road Farmhouse…catering business….holiday specials with CBS…consumer floral business…5 month jail term with new “friend”…comeback including one daytime talk show and one primetime reality show…a line of houses carrying my name…satellite radio channel…line of wine…my own colour…a video game…PETA partnership…
Yes, I’m a fan. But I want it. I want all of it. I even want the tell-all written by my family and so called friends (on my desk by Monday please). And I have a plan to obtain most of those things, simply by redirecting some of my own activities to mirror her own life choices. In my opinion, we have much of the same likes and dislikes, and I’ve yet to see a Canadian step up to the plate to take over domestic diva status. I’m already a diva, so I’m halfway there right? Right??
I’ve already been approached to start a modeling contract before…so I think it should be easy to find another schmuck to take some photos of me. Possibly a small blind man. Or an incredibly old woman with a hole in her neck. Basically all I need is one place to have a photo of me up and I’d say that’s one job accomplished. Hell…I could plaster my face on every pole in freddie and I’d be famous overnight! May even get up on a couple annoying blogger’s pages!
I’d pretty much call this blog my magazine AND a book, given the wealth of information and entertainment that one derives from me. Then, once my readership expands…like say another 4 or 5 suckers (I mean that in the most sincere and ununmalicious way of course!!), I can put up a couple extra photos a day and charge an annual fee of 31.99 and I’m set.
Rob’s buying me my Turkey Hill farmhouse. He told me.
The Polish parents are a tricky one, but I’ve got a couple ideas on that one. I could put an ad in the paper asking, but that might be a little blunt and or seemingly racist. Then I thought I could go to the annual Polish festival, but then I remembered I live in Fredericton. So that leaves mail-order parents. I looked it up, its real. All I need is a couple family photos over a roaring fire, and nobody would be able to hear the wails and moans from the basement (sorry new mom and dad, I’ll bring you a present each if you’re good!!)
Now that I’m famous all I need is the fall from grace jail term and the special friend! Now, the only way I can see me getting into a woman’s prison is drag, so that means I have to get arrested dressed as a woman and be so incredibly believable that nobody is the wiser. I haven’t exactly worked out the crime yet, as I know nothing of trading stocks and whatnot as Martha, so that is out. I’m thinking something along the lines of hitting a cop with a rolling pin, because A. dramatic irony as I’m a domestic diva and therefore would carry a rolling pin around with me at all times and B. that would at least get me into the papers for a while, and if I’m crazy enough, into the tabloids as well, in which case I don’t even have to meet my new special jail friend. So less work in the long run for me!
I’ve pretty much just completed all the important steps, the rest is just filler I tell Oprah I’ve done in my life to make me more diva-liscious I was even thinking I may just hum some Beyonce during my interview. I mean, Oprah’s fallen for it before anyways right? I figure once she’s in my corner, Bahbawa won’t be far behind.
Now I need your help, gentle readers. While I may not need money for my insider-trading scam and proposed jail term, Rob’s just informed me that the well has run dry and he can only afford the brass faucet of the kitchen in my Turkey Hill Estate (which I believe has been renamed Peacock Hill by now in my honour if I’m not entirely mistaken… ), so please send money. I’ve worked out that I only need 6850.00 a day for the next year from you, so I’ll leave you to talk amongst yourselves about the payment plan. And yes, I do accept paypal.
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